He Remembered to Eat

He remembered to eat, at least.

Two rice cakes with peanut butter.

He did it in front of her as she was leaving for the gym

So she could see.

She kissed him on the cheek and he’d playfully grumble.

Once gone, he would swallow the pills that she didn’t know about

Nor what he did to get them.

They would make

The day tolerable.

No, that was wrong…

They would make the day livable.

No, that’s the same thing.

They would make the day…enjoyable.

He would be right with the world by the time she got home.

She would sometimes mention his good moods

As if complimenting a puppy for not shitting on the rug.

How happy she was to have him back she’d say

Though he never remembered being anywhere.

He’d watch the clock and with every blink of the passing morning feel the

Darkness begin to lift, the grays become tie-dyed.

Feel yesterday’s regrets dissolve and tomorrow become nothing.

He would try to remember the feeling. This fearless thisness, and try to

Recapture it later, without the pills.

He tried that always.

It never worked.

The darkness always lurked, like a thief hiding

Until everyone was asleep.

Those times when she lay her head on his chest as she once had

With no direction, meaning or pretense and he could

Smell her sweet scalp through the shampoo.

Those times he wondered why it wasn’t enough.

Why nothing was ever enough.


Doc Savage

Doc Savage Cover

The sun was barely up and already muggy; more August than October. That’s why I hadn’t gone out that morning-had humped and sweated two thick, buggy ridges the day before and felt wrung out. Didn’t feel like archery season. I liked the woods in the fall; not the summer, so I let them go without me-I’d hunt the evening; spend the day reading and chilling. That’s what I was doing when Jerry’s girlfriend Lynn padded softly into the kitchen. We were all staying in her grandparent’s decrepit farmhouse in the foothills of the Adirondacks.

I wished I could say I was reading Kerouac, Gary Snyder, even Hemingway but actually it was one of the Doc Savage series; don’t remember which-there were a ton of them and I’d had most as a kid. Brought them hunting with me because they were small enough to pack and there was something reassuring about them. Having read and re-read them for years, they calmed me and brought me back to earth when I got too high. Which was hard to avoid when hunting with Jerry and the boys.

Lynn said “Mornin”, soft and sleepy and I looked up with a ready smile to find her completely and totally naked, a wrinkle from the bed clothes traced along her hip. Not a thread, not an earring, nothing. “I can’t sleep in anything in this weather”, she said. “I hope you don’t mind.” No, I told her, I’m fine. I put my head down to read again but that didn’t feel right. If she came down dressed I wouldn’t read and ignore her.

The smells of sleep swaddled her-all like baby milk, vanilla and dried sweat. She picked a cup from the sideboard and poured, her back to me, skin shining in the morning dim of the old house. Sugar was there and the cup tink-tink-tink-tinked as she stirred. She had a great ass-that I knew from the jeans she wore. Her butt was like Marcia’s a little smaller, maybe firmer. No, couldn’t have been. Marcia’s butt was bounce a quarter off it firm. Marcia-Jesus. Hadn’t thought of her in months. She liked me to spank her-the first girl who ever asked for it. I didn’t get it at first, but I’m a quick study.

She laughed like I was tickling her; and she’d fake these little ‘ooohs’, and ‘ouches’ like I was hurting her. As if ever that could have happened. She broke up with me when she went off to college. Didn’t want any encumbrances she said. That was her word. I thought I was going to be her husband, but suddenly I was an encumbrance. Christ.

“I’m going back upstairs”, Lynn said turning a little my way so I could see her tits. She liked them and should have, but her eyes, looking sideways, betrayed nothing. She was giving a show but couldn’t tell if it was for my benefit or hers. “There’s a cross breeze up there-feels sweet and you can still taste the last bit of evening.”  I thought to say ‘Yeah’, but some kind of weird, strangled sound came out, so I kept my mouth shut as her bottom disappeared into the shadows and creaking, back up the stairs.

I had never been so hard in my freaking life. It was like all my morning-wood ever rolled together but I didn’t know if it was Marcia’s memory or Lynn’s reality that lit the fuse. I read a paragraph, Doc was in trouble, but remembered nothing. Read it again-then a page, then the same page again. I tried reading aloud in a whispered mantra to bank the fire but it wasn’t working.

Then I heard the creak again-on the stairs. I knew, and started reading harder, silently but unable to drown the sound of her bare feet scuffing across the old hardwood.

“I thought you would follow me.”

She was still naked, her body-facing me now-luminous in the knife edge of sunlight that was peeking through the kitchen window. Golden dust motes twinkled, a cape swirling in the air above her.

“I could.” I kept my eyes on hers as she waited to hear more. “Can I spank you?”

The corner of her mouth lifted; her eye caught the sun. She turned slowly, languidly, a weekend swimmer taking a turn in a pool. “Sure”, she said over her shoulder as her butt walked off again into the shadows.  “Just not too hard.”

For a second, I thought of Jerry. No, less than a second. I’d known him since first grade but it wasn’t like we were brothers or anything. I cringed at the squeaking sound the chair made pushing away from the table.

Flea Market


Homage #Bad Barbies

He had brought forty bucks with him

But couldn’t imagine what he’d spend it on.

He followed her up one aisle and down the next

Passing tables burdened with crap that

Had the church not held a flea market would have been tossed.

She had bought an occasional table that they had no place for

And a single place setting that almost looked like their good China.

He handled a couple of Civil War books that he already had

And a broken faux Tiffany lamp that might have been worth fixing

If it had been real.

He was ready to slip out the side door for a smoke

When the Barbies caught his eye;

Dozens of them on a back table-houses, cars, outfits.

He moved in that direction and picked one up.

Then another, looking for something until she caught up.

What are you going to do with those? She whispered low.

She caught the glint in his eye.

For Chissakes!, she said.

This is a church you know. The basement,

But still a church!

He laughed and bought six for five bucks each.

She wouldn’t walk with him to the car.

The Visit – 8

(Continued from The Visit – 7)

Her mouth fell open as she slid down onto Jake’s stem, pinioning herself, working her pelvis to accept him in full. She thought that of her growing stable of suitors: William, Jimmy Ripple, even Mr. Parsons who was such a bigger man, nobody filled her wall-to-wall, end to end as completely as this.  Maybe it was because they were typically on top-in front or behind-setting the pace; working to meet their needs instead of hers. This was different. Very different.

She rose and fell, rose and fell, her thighs clenching and her knees clicking with each soft thrust. Her easily flowing juices ensured there would be no chafing as she caught a rhythm. His hands were busy, in love with the feel of her hips-and his arms could reach around to her bottom and did. “Spank me.” She whispered feeling his hands back there. “Slap my ass…” She fell forward hoping to create a better target.

He did as instructed, but they were light, glancing blows. His carnal abilities and reflexes were unrefined, and he found concentrating on one thing at a time more reasonable. Squeezing her butt cheeks while she rode him was more in his limited wheel house. As her speed increased she got lower, covering him, hands on both sides of his head. Up close her eyes were bright-less reflective of the dim nimbus around the streetlight outside and more luminous-generating a fire of their own.

“You have to kiss me now”, he said tightly, feeling himself building. “You have to.”

Easily forgetting her earlier proviso, she dropped her mouth onto his and slipped her tongue roughly inside. He swallowed it whole and sealed his lips against hers clumsily banging teeth. She tasted of gin, sand and spearmint gum with just a touch of sourness that flashed once then was gone-easily forgotten. She began to gasp into his mouth, the ratcheting of her hips bringing her off faster than she had expected. She broke and arched her back and ground him hard.

He wouldn’t last much longer and dug his fingers into her thighs. “My ass…” she gasped. “Grab my ass…!” She was up again, then down, on all fours then spread. Her ass was two wooden globes that he squeezed at but couldn’t open. She wished his arms were longer-or better, that there was someone else in the room-someone behind fucking her in the rear…then another- a third in her mouth. As she was carried pounding away she wanted all her holes filled at once…she…wanted…wanted…!

She came with a growl; her body tightening in a long spasm, her flat chest heaving and her legs squeezing as he hissed then barked, finally painting her insides with the thrusting heat of the first orgasm he had shared with anyone. Together they were frozen stiff and twitching until she began collapsing in stages, like a blasted building. First onto her hands, then her elbows, finally onto him entirely, every inch of her fused to him, slippery with sweat and not heavy at all. The intimacy of the two bodies, rising as one with every breath he took kept him from entirely softening.

“That wasn’t so bad was it?” he asked.

“I’m going to hell”, she muffled, her head in his neck.

“Then take me with you….”

He could fall asleep easily like this-wearing his Mom’s baby sister as a cover.


The Visit – 7

“No. In here.” She tapped her temple.

(Continued from The Visit – 6)

She rolled onto her hip, prodded by his insistent burrowing in the furrow of her backside. He slid his palm under, squeezing her lightly, a fantasy of years becoming a fleshy reality. When she next looked down on him the regret on her face was fading, subsumed by a hunger, a lust that had been kept at bay if just barely. His touching, his desire for her this way, had opened the door a crack and that’s all it needed.

She pulled back the bedclothes and slid his boxers down quickly, eliciting a hiss as they passed over this hard cock. She looked away from it for a moment, the last pang of propriety melting like cotton candy on the tongue. His hand, not satisfied with the bum cheek, wandered and grasped, digging deeper, a finger finding her tight anus.

“What are you doing with that, you brat?” she grinned, wriggling her bottom against his probing for a moment allowing him a hint of the dry entry, that she enjoyed so much, before pulling away and sliding down his body.

He groaned loudly as she bent and covered his dick with her open mouth, thin lips slipping from top to bottom. Since lubrication, not titillation, was her aim, she didn’t tarry long nor bring the whole of her talents in the mouthy arts to bear; simply a wet swipe down then up leaving him glistening. If he was disappointed when she disengaged it didn’t last as she clambered up his body and rose before him squatting, then kneeling, balancing above his pulsing member.


The Visit – 6

“You’re goofy”, he said breaking and laying back.

(Continued from The Visit – 5)

He slid his hand down her back wanting to cup her bottom but she was firmly planted, again caught in a wave of thinking and rethinking. His hand explored along the small of her back and as much of her butt as he could get, searching for ingress of any kind. He slid his finger into the top of her crease and wriggled it pushing in.  Again, he remembered that pull from years ago sitting next to her as she read ”Where The Wild Things Are” to him. He thought he remembered his head on her lap and put it there again.

This time there were no madras shorts between his cheek and her thigh and when he turned his head toward her, he caught a scent that was new to him but unmistakable. Like that French guy who ate the cookie and remembered his life; Jake knew that every time he caught this scent in the coming years, it would bring him to this bed, to his bed, in his parent’s house on this Friday night.

“You have to do something for me”, she said patting his head gently.

“Yes”, he said knowing he would have agreed to anything.

“When we’re done, you have to whip me. You have to beat me bloody. This is bad and I have to be punished for it.”

“I’m doing it too.”

“No. I’m the one doing it. It’s my fault, not yours. If you tell anyone I’ll be the one in trouble. You get that right? This is me doing this to you.” Feeling her words running away from her, she stopped then said, “I wish I wasn’t in here.”

“In my room?”

“No. In here.” She tapped her temple.


The Visit – 5

“Brat…” she whispered with a rueful smile.

(Continued from The Visit – 4)

She pulled her T-Shirt over her head and shook out her bowl cut as if it was actually mussed. Hurrying, afraid if she hesitated she wouldn’t, she unsnapped her bra and shook it down her arms. Feeling too exposed standing there, she sat on the bed avoiding his eyes. She appeared slight-not small but slender in a way that she never appeared clothed; more a girl rife with ridges and edges than a fully rounded woman. He recognized the tomboy that had taught him to ride a bike a few years before and he remembered suddenly the pulling feeling he got back then that he didn’t understand.

He bumped his thumb along her ribs and she snorted quickly and blocked him with her elbow.


Protecting her ribs opened her breasts to him. They were no more than thickened medallions on her chest. He rose to the closest one and gently kissed it-once below the nipple then slipped his mouth over it feeling it harden. She arched her back slightly pushing toward his mouth and ran her hand through his thick hair.

“Ohhhh man…” she sighed. “This is so bad…”

He pulled his mouth away from her snapping a thin tendril of saliva. “You say that once more, you’ll be the one getting a spanking”, he said then kissed her hard breastbone before licking the other.

“I deserve it”, she whispered then pulled back as he tried to kiss her.

“No kisses, please…Save them for your girlfriend.” He held his mouth in place-suspended in front of hers. “Please…” He redirected his lips and gave her a kiss on the cheek while cupping the back of her head.

“You’re goofy”, he said breaking and laying back.